HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

Funny how external factors and external contributions really motivate me. When it comes to taking care of myself, however, I'm totally and completely lost and all I want to do is forget about me and continue doing other things.

I'm trying to do a Learning Plan and plan for my next 10 years and, although Ive gone back to Uni, I cant see myself doing anything from July onwards. I'm so scared... I don't know if I want to go home and drop the Uni Ive started, I don't know if I want to stay here and finish it...

All I know is I don't want to live in poverty like I do now. I want to live in a house with proper windows and have a garden and plants and a car and my family.

I think I need to go see someone about my life. I don't like talking to my friends about it. I don't like looking vulnerable around people so whatever happens, even when I'm talking to shrinks, I sort of go on auto-pilot and start talking with more confidence than usual.

Hmmm... I really need help and advise :-(